Dear Shadow,

You follow me faithfully like a puppy in love, but I know better. You are the thoughts and acts of my past that won’t leave me, nothing to do with love. Just like a real shadow in the late hours of sunlight, you lay long and attach yourself to my feet with no way to let go. Most of my life I have run from you, thinking that’s the only way to get far away from you and the past that you bring up. But of course you are attached and there is never an escape. I would seek out cloudy dark days so that I couldn’t see you – and I stayed in my cloudy fog for years to avoid you but this led only to deeper fears, constant crying and self hatred. I missed the sunshine of life somethin’ fierce. Realizing this, I slowly came out of my mask of depression. I came forward to meet and greet the bright sun god. I had to turn and look and of course there you were. I’ve learned to invite you in for conversation and it’s been interesting. I can’t say I like you any better, but I’ve learned you aren’t to be feared. You are all the past and I’m done with you. I can’t let you go because you stay attached to me, you are a part of me. I’m learning to accept your darkness and as I have, you’ve excepted my light. You’ve become a part of me that I see no reason to fear. Past is past. You have not ruled anything, you never have (even when I thought otherwise) and never will. You are like history – to learn by so as not to repeat mistakes. You have become a blessing to me, a teacher. Yeah, yeah, I still get captured by your net thrown over me. I get caught up in all those stories of my past and I just know you are gleeful when I do… but it’s not for long anymore. I don’t seek out fog and clouds to fade you out. If anything I cry out for brighter bluer skies and sun so brilliant there is no hiding anywhere. Except behind me, like the Past is. Eternally behind me where I have to actually twist and turn to see what’s been left behind. You are invited to come with me, follow me and watch me grow forward in love and life. Just as long as you stay behind me like my past does with every sunrise.P1020710

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